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How to make 2022 not suck

It was the close of the year—wrapping up and recapping with clients, many conversations recalling what went well in 2021 and what we learned, setting the stage for what could be possible in 2022.

I invited everyone to think big—to plan the year in advance, to think about what the next 12 months could hold. The even bigger question being:

“How can we use 2022 to prepare ourselves for 2023?”

Truly, the invitation was to consider how the effort and planning of our goals today stair-stack to the impact we are able to make tomorrow and for many years afterward. Seems obvious but it’s easy for most of us to get stuck in the survival of everyday.

At the close of 2021, as I spoke with clients and friends, family members and people whose names I didn’t know but would also be waiting for their kids to get out of ballet, I noticed a trend.

We were all exhausted.

Yes, some people seemed hopeful but still tired. The year felt like a 365 day race, one in which the option of stopping to rest didn’t seem accessible. It was survival.

That’s not to say that amazing things didn’t happen throughout 2021 but more than anything, it felt like in some ways we were all holding our breath, just trying to make it to the end of the year. Hoping that our weddings, birthday parties, and vacations happened as planned…keeping our fingers crossed that we would stay healthy, our children would go back to school, that some semblance of normal would right itself once again.

And then just like that, it was January 1st, 2022.

Traditionally, a new year brings with it the sparkly new promise of a fresh start or alternatively, the weightiness of expectations that reside in the setting of resolutions. As the year started, my conversations felt different.

There was hope, but a new variety that hadn’t been seen in 2020 or 2021. It wasn’t as much of the finger-crossing, pie in the sky hope of years past either. Instead it felt like, “Well, we might as well get the show on the road.”

Think about it:

With fear—that attitude is met with breath holding.

With excitement—that perspective is met with resolve.

Here’s the thing: I think we’ve all learned that life can change and that we can’t sit waiting around for it to “go back to normal” (2020) or make plans all the while holding our breath in anticipation of the bottom falling out (2021). Both of those approaches are exhausting and leave us feeling powerless.

This year feels different. Somehow, it feels more real. We are all aware of the risks around us—from the ones that are known to the possibility of being met by ones that are still unknown, yet still we choose to carry on.

That’s what 2022 is to me. It about forging ahead. Not waiting for “normal” or living in fear of making plans or doing things in case they get cancelled or that we get sick.

It’s exhausting to live like that.

I think we’ve all learned to pivot and if we continue to live as if we didn’t just spend the last two years learning lessons, stretching ourselves to change, evolve, or become who these experiences have taught us is possible simply seems foolish.

Consider what the past two years has taught you, consider what kind of life you want to live for yourself. And now, let’s forge ahead.

Let’s consider what’s possible, let’s not forget what we have learned and also, let’s not allow those experiences to hold us back either.

It’s about resilience.

We all have the capacity to be resilient.

To sit inside the life that we’ve lived from birth until the day that you are reading these words, and inside that life, look around, take in the experiences and understand that these lessons have happened for you.

Do something with them.

Sometimes we are afraid, and that’s ok. But it doesn’t mean that each of us lack the capacity to make an impact. That’s what I believe being coached allows you to do. It’s about having a “plus 1” in your corner as you do the darn thing—as you forge ahead and create a life that is uniquely yours.

At Mindrise, we’ve mapped out themes for each month this year. Just like the way we coach our clients, we have created monthly themes to help you to get focused and step further into your purpose. Our theme for January is:

New Beginnings/Goal Setting + Staying Committed

“I am the designer of my destiny”

“I am committed to turning my dreams into my reality”

Just what will your 2022 look like?

Click here to schedule your 20 minute Strategy Session now to feel confident on taking action on your goals.

by Bailey Frumen

A "Human" New Year

Sometimes we have to make a choice for ourselves. It might go against the grain, it might be disapproved by others, and it might feel very lonely to make your choice. But the truth is that we are all just humans figuring it out one day at a time, one step at a time. Making choices in this life is uncertain, it's always been but if we make the choice that feels most authentic to us, the choice that keeps us in integrity with ourselves, it allows us to recognize the person looking back at us in the mirror every day. Enjoy this reflection on stepping into a "Human" New Year by Mindrise Coach, Jennifer Wielage, she reminds us that we are ALL figuring it out...

A "Human" New Year

by Mindrise Coach, Jennifer Wielage

Recently, some of my family who I love, and who are very dear to me, made it clear they disapproved of a choice that I made for my life.

And because I believe in my decision and value my freedom and autonomy, my choice is non-negotiable.

At the same time, I treasure my relationships. Anyone who knows me knows that connection is high up there on my priority list. I desperately wanted their approval, their support and their acceptance. I didn't want to lose them.

But alas, the reality is that, for the most part, they have withdrawn from my life.

And I am sad.

And that got me thinking: This year, instead of striving for a "happy" New Year, why not instead shoot for a more "human" New Year?

For 2022, my goal is not to be happy. It is to be more fully human.

I want to give myself permission to be more fully myself, allowing and acknowledging all of my feelings. This is how I believe I am going to achieve evolving into the best version of myself.

At the same time, I also want to allow people to be completely themselves, understanding that they are merely humans, too, who are trying to navigate this life in whatever way they think is best for them, at their own level of consciousness.

Happiness is fleeting, but true love remains.

Besides, we are not supposed to be happy all of the time anyway. That would be so weird.

We don't want to be happy when someone dies, when we lose our job or when our friend is hurting.

In fact, we would be considered "out of our minds" if we were happy all of the time.

But on some level, we've forgotten that we aren't supposed to be happy all of the time. We drool over social media posts that feature the most amazing highlight reels of people's best-lived moments.

Then, when we are sad, frustrated, anxious, etc., we use it as evidence that there's something wrong with us.

And because we are feeling these "negative" emotions, we often turn to something we think will make us feel happy -- like eating cookies.

And it works!

Eating cookies feels a little like happiness at the moment, giving us that "dopamine hit" that takes us away from feeling negative and transports us to the Land of Happiness -- albeit temporarily.

Everyone handles their negative emotions differently. Some overeat, some overdrink, some binge-watch Netflix, some do even more destructive things to avoid feeling their feelings.

By numbing out, we don't have to feel. These false pleasures eventually leave us even more unhappy, and now we have to deal with the unintended consequences of our actions.

Now we are not only sad, but sad and heavy-set. And we continue to overeat because we are sad and feel horrible about ourselves. We are not only angry, but now we are angry and addicted so we keep reaching for the drugs to cover our shame. We are not only anxious, but we are also sick and when we are sick, we get more anxious and the cycle continues.

In our attempt to avoid our pain, we actually stay stuck in a self-destructive loop -- and we are continually unhappy about being unhappy! The more unhappy we are, the more we do destructive behaviors, trying desperately to get relief. It doesn't work.

I understand.

Feeling the uncomfortable feelings of being human doesn't necessarily feel good.

BUT here's the truth: It's normal to feel bad sometimes, and the full range of emotions are exactly what God intended for our lives.

When we experience all of our emotions, we ultimately become limitless on what we can accomplish and what we can handle. Instead of running away, resisting or reacting to our sadness, our anxiousness, our humiliation, our rejection, we can just simply accept the feelings, process them and keep going and create the life of our dreams, embracing all of it.

What if we weren't afraid to feel any emotion? Can you imagine the things we would try, the steps we would take, the people we would welcome into our lives if we weren't afraid to feel?

Why not allow ourselves to just be human?

What if we just assumed that half the time, we weren't going to feel very good and the other half the time, we were going to feel amazing?

Then when we begin to feel some negative emotions coming up for us, or we are experiencing a difficult time, we can acknowledge it as part of a normal human experience of life. Nothing has gone wrong.

As we step into the New Year, let us be open to all possibilities for what God has in store for us, realizing that humanness, not happiness is the end goal. 

Try on being more human for size. See how that suits you!

Let's allow ourselves the grace to be exactly who we are and accept ourselves and others completely -- as fellow humans also on a journey.

So this year, I will not wish you a happy New Year. Rather, I will wish you a very human New Year!

Let's grow, evolve and become the best humans we can be!

"Every day, think as you wake up: Today, I am fortunate to be alive. I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it."

Are you ready to say YES to you for 2022? Jen can help! Click here to schedule a 20 minute Strategy Session with our Mindrise Coaches.

by Bailey Frumen

Speed up. Slow down. Go. Go. No.

It's 2022--you likely know this by now. I'm curious--how are you feeling about it?

A few years ago--I banned** a client from investing in anymore programs, coaches, or books--zero freebies, downloads, or the latest quiz. We did this because she was spending ALOT of time looking outside of herself for the answers. So afraid of getting it wrong that she looked to everyone and everything else for the answer. BUT there was once place that she didn't look for answers... (spoiler alert, read below and I'll tell you how it all shook out....)

BACK to present day...We took a couple of weeks off at Mindrise at the end of December to rest up for the new year. Then last week we had a team meeting and decided not to enter the mad dash race of telling everyone that they didn't have their shit together and that somehow WE were the solution.

Tell me, it's not just me (or the algorithms following me).

I found it exhausting that "solutions" were lurking in every corner whether I looked for them or not.

As a team, we decided not to follow the crowd.

Instead, we had really amazing conversations about a BIGGER picture, we reflected on 2021--celebrated the wins and accepted the lessons. We dove deep on what we wanted, how we could help, and what's happening next.

Here's what we learned--you've GOT to go within before you go FORWARD.

That's how this works.

Rather than scrapping it all--start with what you have, who you are, and then imagine what you want. Our Vision Map tool is the gold standard for the vision part. As for the reflection AKA going within (because the truth is--your soul is your real compass), here are 4 questions to get you started:

1. WINS--What worked well in 2021?
2. BLOCKS--What didn't work--what do you want to leave behind from 2021?
3. Thinking back a year ago, how are you different?
4. What was my biggest contribution this year--What was the biggest thing I gave in 2021?

Don't bother 2022-ing until you answer these 4 questions--then, complete the Vision Map tool

TRUST me on this one. While I started this email telling you about a client, I've also been there. We look to everyone and everything else for the answers and the truth it--THE ANSWERS COME FROM WITHIN.

So if you are in the boat of feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or needing a +1 in your corner, we've got your back on this one....BUT you've got to do your homework first.

1. Answer the 4 questions above.
2. Do the Vision Map tool
3. And then you can book your chat with our rockstar Mindrise Coaches to have that +1 to hold your hand and kick your ass into making it happen (and getting out of your own way) in 2022

**PS "banned" is a strong word and used to catch your attention, of course everyone is a sovereign being and has full agency to make their own choices...I've only grounded a few clients and given detentions a handful of times, JK

by Bailey Frumen

Exhausted? Here's how to fix that.

Tired? Me too.

Whether it's late nights, or stress, or trying to get it all done on time, or parties and things to celebrate. We're tired.

The thing is--we're not only tired from our time spent or not enough sleep, we're also tired from the emotional load that we've all been carrying.

Whether it's the emotional load of making quote before the end of the year, navigating family members that we only see a few times a year, feeling our own emotions or grief about the holidays. Let me be the first one to say that it's a lot, it's exhausting, and it takes a lot out of you.

Here's how to fix it--stop "pushing through."

You probably thought since I wrote the book, Own Your Power that I was going to say, put on your big-person pants and get cracking.

I'm not. I'm actually going to tell you that "pushing through" is making it harder.

Pushing through requires us to push past our emotions and needs, it often requires us to step out of alignment with ourselves or people please, ultimately the whole concept of "pushing through" asks you to put yourself aside and when we do that, we begin to lose pieces of ourselves.

I'm also not writing you a hall pass for Netflix and chill either.

Instead, if you are feeling exhausted and are tired of feeling that way, here's what TO DO:

Acknowledge what's hard.

This takes 3 parts:

1. Name the situation/trigger that's feeling hard or exhausting
2. Identify the feelings that are coming up for you (don't skip this part)
3. Ask yourself "what do I need?" (then answer the question and do the thing that comes up for you)

Trust me on this one--pushing through is old and worn out, in fact--it's not working anymore. Let's try on a new way to do things and you are going to be terrible at this to start. You should be pretty bad at it because you've been doing the old/default way for so long, this is a new way of doing things and therefore it's going to require a bit of compassion and consideration for this transition time.

Asking ourselves what we need and responding accordingly is an act of reparenting ourselves and releasing old reactive trauma wounds (but that's another story for another day).

Just trust me on this one, it's time to do things differently. You've got this!

by Bailey Frumen

Are You Screwing up Your Life?

I've been in Puerto Rico this week--it's been two years since I have been here, a place that I've lived in for great chunks of the year for twelve years. The water is blue, the air is warm, the sun in shining and I feel my body coming back to life. Being in the time-warp and survival mode of the pandemic situation for so long, I didn't realize how much of myself had been chipping away.

For years, part of the recipe that makes me who I am, what allows me to feel fulfilled, and the most lit up and alive is travel. Seeing new places, being in new locations, navigating interesting travel related challenges, meeting new people, eating different things. The experience of the pandemic shut that down. While I, much like everyone else, wasn't traveling, the alternative wasn't relaxing poolside at my own home--it felt more like being under siege.

You too?

I didn't realize how much I had sunk into a survival mode until I plucked myself into the Caribbean Sea.

Believe me--I understand this isn't an opportunity that most of us have every single day but in reading this, it is your opportunity for reflection. What's your Caribbean Sea? What resets you and reminds you that you are alive?

Here's the thing--as humans, we have a tendency to put ourselves on autopilot, just going through the motions--being more of a human-doing than a human-being. Part of waking up and shifting from survival-mode to thriving and feeling actively engaged in our lives is about making commitments.

Commitments to change.

Commitments to who we want to be.

Commitments to the life we want to have.

Commitments to how we want to show up in the world.

The commitments that you make to yourself and follow through with actually matter much more than commitments we make to others but how often do you make everyone else and everything else a top priority over yourself? I bet, pretty often. The thing is that if we want to feel confident in our life we need to make a plan. We need to stop being so reactive and doing things haphazardly but instead really choose to show up in our lives.

That's why each year, I take the time to consciously sit down and map out my goals and a game plan to achieve them. We're doing that at Mindrise on Thursday, December 9th--you should definitely be there, click here for the scoop. Our Strategy + Planning for 2022 is a game changer that puts you back into the seat of confidence, clarity, AND action for a brand new year.

We are all so worried about getting it right, worried about not screwing it up but are we taking the time to play full out in the one life that we do have?

Right now, even as I write this to you, I reflect on what I am committed to right now--the newest commitment I made was this week, to work on writing my latest book every single day. Funny thing is, I've been committed to writing in but that commitment just stayed in my mind. It wasn't until I put a game plan, timeline, and action to it that this commitment came alive. Even if it's for a few minutes, I'm committed to sticking with it everyday.

I'm curious--Have you fully committed to yourself? What commitments are you making to yourself? How are you following through on your commitments?

Change the game in your life, feel confident + clear on your next steps moving forward--join us virtually (live or you can get the replay) for Strategy + Planning on Thursday, 12/9 from 10am-1pm EST (7-11am PST) to map out your plan for 2022.

CLICK TO REGISTER HERE

by Bailey Frumen

I told the world that I was molested and then I cleaned the toilet.

I told the world that I was molested and then I went and cleaned the toilet.

While it wasn't something that I've been hiding, it was a story that I would tell privately. My family knows, I've shared it with a handful of friends, past partners and dear clients but being molested when I was a kid wasn't a story I was telling on stage or writing about in a book.

For the longest time, I wasn't sure why I wasn't sharing--in someways I didn't want what happened in childhood to be the only thing that people saw when they looked at me. I didn't want my experience to become the story that I told over and over again or seen as a person who talks about owning your power "just because" I was molested. Sometimes, I didn't tell my story publicly because "it could have been so much worse" and at the worst of times, my narrative was that I "should just get over it already."

And then I decided to write a book about self-acceptance and then my life as I had built it imploded and then I had to do some really deep healing and soul searching. Because that's how life works sometimes. When you tell the universe, "I want to write a book about self-acceptance," it has a tendency to blow the lid off of all the things about yourself that you've been hiding, or secretly judging about yourself. And then you have to deal with them--correction: and then you get to deal with them.

And I'm still healing and I'm coming to a place that I accept that I might always be healing, and that's ok.

So, a few days ago, I had a life situation come up and despite communicating and trying to express how I felt. I didn't feel heard. I felt small and unimportant. I felt like what I wanted didn't matter. I felt like I didn't matter. In a matter of minutes, I didn't feel like I was a 39 year old woman. Instead I felt like a small, scared 5 year old. A child who was being hurt, who wanted it to stop and was made to feel like what I wanted didn't matter.

More than 3 decades of feelings rushed through me, I felt like I went backward in time. I felt pissed that all these years later I could still be triggered. But then I sat still within myself. I remembered who I am now. I remembered that I've been doing a ton of work on myself and my own pathway to accepting myself.

It was as if a cork finally popped and all the things that I've been holding back and hiding--all the things I've tried to keep shoved in the closet, hidden out of sight, always showing up with a big bow tied and a smile that "everything is fine" came rushing to the surface. I was done.

I was done people pleasing. I was tired of staying quiet just to make other people feel happy. I was tired of hiding and holding back. So, I decided that this time, instead of feeling small, I would say "f*ck that" and stand up for myself.

Something about the pop of the cork felt like an opening of the floodgates. There was something about that moment of standing up for myself that made me feel like I was ready to step into the light. Shame lives in the dark, it can't live in the light.

Emboldened, I opened up my phone and made a video to tell my story. At first, I was going to make a Facebook Live but then I worried that I would have a vulnerability hangover the next day. So I recorded the video and when it was time to post it, I chickened out. I made myself busy again so that I didn't have "time to be seen," so I hid again. That was my narrative and one that I knew very well.

This morning, instead of feeling the hungover, I felt ready. I didn't want another day to go by that I would be hiding, so I made an Instastory to tell my story, and then I posted my longer video on Facebook. I told my story.

And then I cleaned the toilet. While that sounds funny, that's what happened. I shared my truth, I set myself free and then life kept moving forward as it does. Life still needed to happen, lunch still needed to be packed, breakfast still needed to be made, and the toilet still needed to be cleaned.

It wasn't that I was shrinking my big moment, it was that both things are true. I can have a big revelation that sets me free and makes me feel alive and whole and I can tend to my normal life.

To be honest, I'm curious to see what happens next. There's just something about sharing your truth and fully living into who you are that makes you feel alive, it makes you feel a bit invincible, and truthfully it makes you ask yourself, "If I can do this, what else can I do next?"

I'd love to hear from you--do you have a truth or story that you've kept buried within you? What holds you back from sharing your story?

by Bailey Frumen

Time As a Currency, Can It Be?

Time As a Currency, Can It Be?

Danielle Ford, Mindrise Coach

When you hear the word currency, what comes to mind? For many of us, the first and maybe only thing that comes to mind is money. As I’m sure many of you were, for most of my life I was taught that money is the key to happiness and success. What I didn't know however, was that the key to happiness actually comes from within and success isn’t defined by your paycheck nor your title. 

You’ve probably heard the old adage “time is money.” I used to believe this meant that the more time I spent doing something, the more money I would make, but when I realized that there’s no math equation there, I found myself thinking there was never enough time in the day to do all of the things on my list… or enough time to make “enough” money. Showing up in that place of lack can leave you feeling fatigued, burnt out and maybe even in a downward spiral, because how much is enough anyway? Unless, that is, you start to think about time a little differently, like I have recently.  

No matter how we slice it, in this world, there are 24 hours in each day. I’d like to invite you to explore how you’re using those 24 hours. Grab a pen and paper, get into a comfortable space and give yourself 15 minutes. Are you ready? Let’s do this! 

First give yourself 5 minutes to write a list of how you would spend your ideal day - just write down every single thing that comes to mind as it comes in. Don’t force it, don’t judge it, just let it flow.

Done? Awesome, take a look at the beautiful day you’ve created.

For this next part, give yourself a few minutes to reflect on how living that incredible day would make you feel. Again, write every single thing you think of - peace, bliss, alive, light, adventurous, energized, etc. Just get it all out on paper. Easy right? Here comes the tough part… 

Write down what your typical day looks like now - how much time do you spend eating, exercising, working, being creative, with family, alone, sleeping, etc. Next, Assign a dollar amount to each hour of your day - an amount for sleeping, play/recreation, family or friend time, spirituality, eating, exercising, etc.

Now total up the dollar amount for each part of your life and take a look. Where are you spending your time (money)? Where are you spending too much? Where would you like to be spending more? Are there shifts, even small ones, that you can make today to balance out the way you spend your day? Start to explore your relationship with time a little more deeply. If you have the same amount of time each day, how can you choose to use it to serve you? 

After all, we only have one go-around here and giving away our time, our energy and our peace to any person, place or job that isn’t serving us or the world at large, is a level of expensive that we just can’t afford.

by Bailey Frumen

How to Do The Work

I've been reading the book, "How to Do The Work," by Dr. Nicole LePera, she's best known for her Instagram popularity as @theholisticpsychologist

But here's the question--what does it mean to "do the work?"

What exactly is the work?

The work is what we all need to feel whole. The work is what we need to stop getting in our own way and stop hiding for ourselves. The work is about healing. The work is about helping ourselves to fully show up in the world.

BUT...here's the caveat--sometimes, we get used to hiding. We hide behind our work, we hide behind our stress, we hide behind our busy-ness, or our kids, or our partner, or always putting ourselves LAST on the list.

It's hiding--and why do we hide? Because feeling our feelings can be really hard sometimes. It's easier to numb out and ignore ourselves but if we do that, we will continue to get in our own way. To do the work means being willing to walk through fire. It means to care deeply for yourself, to love yourself. Sometimes it means to re-parent yourself, it might mean to date yourself, it might even mean to re-educate yourself in the way you want to be treated.

Doing the work means having boundaries.

Doing the work means knowing what you need as a person.

Doing the work means taking even better care of yourself than you can ever expect anyone else to treat you.

Doing the work might mean...reading, playing, laughing, sleeping, crying, saying f*ck off, going it alone, phoning a friend...it mean mean throwing yourself into the unknown, it might mean getting a therapist or a coach, it might even mean allowing everything around you to burn to the ground and walk away if it is not meant for you.

We avoid doing the work because it ain't easy--but anyone that's ever walked through fire and came out on the other side will tell you, it's 100% worth it.

Ready to do the work? We are here to help. Book your Coaching Call and we'll figure it out. 

by Bailey Frumen