Where do you fit? Finding your place
I believe we all seek to understand ourselves better--to get a deeper level of insight as to why we do what we do, why we are wired the way we are, who we are meant to be, what is our purpose. To this end, we take quizzes to figure out everything from our pornstar name (the street you grew up on + your first pet's name, btw) to how many children we will be equipped to handle.
We read books and look for experts. We want gurus, doctors, yogis, frankly even the opinionated guy at the gas station will do to weigh in--sometimes we are seeking validation that we are worthy. Other times we look to outside counsel to affirm that we are correct in what we originally thought. And there are also the times when we don't want to f*ck it up so we poll everyone within a 30 mile radius for their opinion in an attempt to weigh out the pros and cons but inevitably just making ourselves more confused again.
Overwhelmed with options.
Overwhelmed with uncertainty.
Overwhelmed in feeling like you should know but convincing yourself that you haven't got a clue.
Ultimately, it comes down to this main point--we all seek to understand ourselves better. To feel solid and grounded in our sense of self, to feel good in our own skin. To know.
To really know. And to be sure.
And in many ways the craving of knowing goes back to a fundamental and biological need for a sense of safety. Even if we are not conscious to it--our understanding of ourselves, our sense of belonging, of being loved, understood, and accepted--all brings us a tremendous internal exhale within our nervous system.
And here's the deal--it's ok. It's ok to enjoy affirmation, confirmation, validation, or just a "you've got this." That why we invite people into our world--to love us, to support us, to offer alternative opinions, to challenge us, to encourage us to rise up, to push us, to play with us, to laugh, to cry, and just about everything in between.
This life is meant to be shared.
Trust yourself first and never hesitate to have a +1 in your corner, that's what we are here for at Mindrise--to help you rise and make the changes you need to own your power! Ready? Let's talk--book your 20 minute complimentary 1:1 Strategy Session, we'll talk and help you to rise!
What Should I Do With my Life? Masterclass
We Want to Belong
I believe that we all want to belong--to something. Sometimes this belonging comes from wanting to be part of something bigger than ourselves, other times I think that the desire for belonging comes from wanting to be needed. To know that we matter. To know that we are wanted.
The need to belong isn't a weakness, it's incredibly human. It's human to want to be wanted. We are biologically wired to depend on others--we are not built for solitude and loneliness, that is why it is so painful.
It's painful to feel alone, it's painful to hold it all in--to hold in the sadness, to hold in the joy, to hold in the moments when you have something to celebrate and feel as if you have no one to high-five. Life is meant to be shared.
I've also learned that there are many times when we aren't as alone as the story we are telling ourselves. If we really look around, there are people in our world that are rooting for us, people who love us, people who want the best for us. We just need to look around--and even more than looking around, we need to reach out.
While it's a bit of a waste of time to resurrect the debate on the perils of technology on connection vs the advantages, the truth is that anything that creates disconnection or the ability to shield us from our emotions can create distance.
So, what do you do when you want to belong?
- Reach out--call someone, show up, knock, smile
- Ask--ask for help, ask for support, ask for an ear, ask to belong
- Join--a group, a cause, a 5k, a family dinner (even if it's not your family)
Our life is made up of opportunities to have it look exactly how we want it to look--ask yourself, "when it comes to connection, what am I craving?" follow that urge. Follow the pull, the desire, the want for more and something else--perhaps there is where you will find your +1.
Mindrise is all about the +1, having someone in your corner. When it comes to coaches--we are cheerleaders and ass-kickers. We are the strategy to help you "figure it out" and the supportive shoulder to lean on. We don't believe in white-knuckling it and going alone--we believe that a rising tide lifts all ships.
That's why we specialize in 1:1 coaching AND teaching people how to become coaches.
- Curious about what it's like to work with a coach? Schedule your strategy session with one of our Mindrise coaches here to see how coaching can help you.
- Looking for the exact path to becoming a coach? We can help--enrollment for our Fall session of the Life + Leadership Coach Training program starts November 1st, learn more and grab your spot in our upcoming training by clicking here.
A plea for self-care
We're not talking a monthly massage or pedicure--while those things are nice, we're talking about the kind of self-care that actually helps you to keep going when you want to lay down, give up, or scream WTAF.
SELF-CARE--here's a working definition if you will...if you aren't going to take care of yourself, you can't expect anyone else to take better care of you. It's the truth, some feel that it's a hard truth but it's that we all need to take responsibility for ourselves. For caring for ourselves deeply, and again--I'm not just talking about a deep soak in the bath.
I'm talking about...
Therapy
Crying
Journaling
Being with yourself
Processing your emotions
Actually telling people what you think and want and not just saying, "everything is fine...I'm fine."
We are not fine. We are all changing and evolving at rapid speeds--like it or not. We are tearing down old versions of ourselves and making way for something new. And, sometimes that's hard. It's hard to change. It's hard to accept the responsibility to change. It's hard to take care of ourselves and the reason for that is because numbing is actually easier.
It's easier to netflix and numb, it's easier to scroll social media, it's easier to "get busy" and ignore what's actually going on for you.
Whether that is new things that just bother you because your bandwidth is low (I mean, hello, we've been in a pandemic for a long time), or it might even be old shit that is surfacing up years later--relationships, childhood traumas, past experiences, regrets--and all of it comes to the surface to be healed, to be addressed, to finally be dealt with.
But sometimes we lack the skills and tools to handle it.
Maybe it's because we've been checked out, maybe it's because we've been busy taking care of everyone but ourselves. Maybe it's because we've never ACTUALLY been taught how to care for ourselves beyond that 60 minute massage.
Caring for yourself is going to therapy, getting the coach, reading the book, saying what you need to say, feeling the feelings that you've been pushing away for so long and never seem to disappear. F*ck, it's hard to be a human sometimes.
But that's what we are--humans, not robots. We need time, sleep, love, attention, care, regard, boundaries, no's, yes's. We need to listen to the information from our feelings and then respond instead of react. We need to actually respond instead of hide.
It's all messy and it's all so very human. And the ONLY way to get through any of it is to take really good care of yourself.
More talk on self care? I'll be speaking LIVE and in-person (finally!!) on Friday, October 1st at the SELF(ish) Wellness Conference in Philadelphia, you can snag your seat here: www.selfishphilly.com
September Goal Setting
Oh hi September--how's it going? As we wrap up from the summer, I'm feeling those "back-to-school" vibes...AKA those "get-your-sh*t-together" vibes... it sets the tone for what's going to happen in the Fall, how you are going to finish out 2021, and set the stage for 2022. September is NO JOKE.
Here's what I'm planning on crushing for my September goals:
Goals:
1. Soak up more summer
2. Stay consistent with what works well at Mindrise
3. Follow through on goals
4. Get more visible on social media
5. Heal from trauma
// NEW MONTH, NEW GOALS // Taking care of yourself means setting new goals and getting clear about what you want--this means new habits, new intentions, and making big changes...it also means remembering what works. It's not ALWAYS about reinventing the wheel--it's about striking a balance between remembering what has already been working for you in the past and integrating what's new--what you want now and where you are going. What's next for you?
Here's How I'm Slowing Down Summer
With so much of life feeling in the balance--whether it's the uncertainty of work, school, and basically life or even the awakening to desiring deep shift and change in life--right now feels like a time where it's really easy to feel UNGROUNDED.
In the last two months, I've shifted my journaling practice to a daily writing of three affirmations and three gratitudes (sometimes I add more, I know #overachievers can't help themselves). It's been a simple practice that has allowed me to get grounded, feel in control, and sink deeply into presence.
Here's an excerpt of a recent journal entry about how I am slowing down this summer, I hope it resonates with you:
I'm grateful for the slow down that comes through the beauty of nature--to stop and watch the dragonflies dance or the bees buzz, to hear the birds sing their songs and fly through life, it is the ever-present reminder that life goes on. Life will continue on with or without us--to stay in a place of presence is to honor this one precious life we have.
While the medicine is to get still and listen, watch, breathe, and learn...the medicine is also not to stay stuck, it is to embrace the ever-present pull of change as it draws you to what is most true for you.
I've been working on this next book, it comes in fits and starts, it drops in at 4am when I'm dead asleep but somehow stringing together a new, deeper understanding of a concept I'm trying to share or expound upon--it comes readily in the moments I'm talking to clients, literally pages dripping from my mouth but when I try to remember what I said, I'm inevitability at a loss (but knowing, trusting, and crossing my fingers that it will come back to me)... and it inevitably does, and this is just the same as life itself.
For a very long time (probably in the neighborhood of 37 years), I've always pushed myself, lived in the future--10 steps ahead of myself at any given moment and while that can be a superpower that I'm unwilling to relinquish, it's also kept me from presence in the very moment too many times to count. It's kept me from the slow down unless I remember to slow down and even when I do, it can initially feel more like an admonishment than an invitation.
So this season, I'm doing it differently. The gift of my superpower is being able to layout plans, set goals, crush strategy in making things happen but the shadow side of living so many steps ahead is that I almost always feel the panic of being "behind," in a rush to accomplish my goals, get to my next destination, lesson, or learning just because I can see it on the horizon. THIS is why we need nature--this is why we need the throttle and the brake.
This is why I'm doing it differently this season, this is why getting connected to yourself so you know when you are feeling detached, out of balance, or ungrounded is key.
It's a bit art and a bit science but what it definitely is not is perfection--there's no "getting it right" this season, there's only the presence of allowing yourself to dive deeply into the surrender of just being.
Just who will you be?
In writing this journal entry, now turned blog, I want to pose that same question to you--In this season of summer, in this season or uncertainty, in this season where it's so easy to give away your attention and your power, just WHO will you be?
How will you choose to live deeply with intention, allowing this intention to guide a deeper knowing and acceptance of yourself rather than the inevitable panic and anxiety that can reside in focusing on our worries, fears, and what-ifs.
What if you are already ok and everything is exactly as it should be?
Here's to you, to me, and to the patience, knowing, and presence that comes with the slow down.
Love,
B.
P.S. I began coaching at the start of 2014. Helping others and the freedom of having my own business has been one of the most fulfilling and rewarding experiences of my life. We are opening the doors for enrollment for our FALL SESSION of our Life + Leadership Coach Training program. We start November 1st and would love to have you join us.
If you are feeling called to learn more about becoming a coach, I invite you to our upcoming webinar on becoming a Coach. This webinar is the perfect time for you to bring your curiosity, ask questions, and imagine your life as a coach. Any questions? Simply hit reply to this email. As always, sending you love and encouragement to do the thing in life that's calling to your heart (remember, you didn't come here to play small)
Hurricane Mind
Sometimes there are words that hit you so hard and you just feel, "me too." I wanted to share with you this new blog from Life + Leadership Coach Training Graduate, Regina Mosley. She just has a presence and a way with words that captures you because she knows how to be real. Read on...
Hurricane Mind
Sitting through the first part of the storm that is said to be in a hurricane's path and reflecting on how the winds and rain are beautifully dancing through the air. Clearing and cleansing a path that can lead to destruction and a sense of peace simultaneously.
It's almost like the mind. Those whirling thoughts/voices (wind) that will either kill your progress or push you forward because your mindset has cleansed and filtered (rain) those whirling thoughts/voices.
The destruction in its path is the stagnation we place on ourselves due to the lack of self-belief, self-love, and self-worth/value. Those are the pieces that we need to leave behind. When the storm has passed and the rain has stopped, the sun shines on a new beginning.
A fresh start to rebuild a better self.
One of self-love, gratitude, value/worth. A belief that you were put on this path because you are uniquely you and your gifts and talents are to be shared with the world, selflessly.
Curious about becoming a coach? The doors are opening to our Fall Coach Training Program!! Learn more about the experience of becoming a coach by clicking here: www.themindrise.com/coach-training
What's Hiding Under Your Mattress?
What are you hiding? Why are you hiding? What's the story you are telling yourself about why you have to hide or shrink or change who you are? I know it happens for me when I'm telling myself a BS story about not being enough or I don't deserve. Even sometimes when my fear masks itself as imposter syndrome and says, "who are you?" In this week's blog by Mindrise Coach, Danielle Ford, takes a look at what's under the mattress of our mind...
What's Hiding Under Your Mattress?
by Danielle Ford, Mindrise Coach
There’s an old fable I remember from my childhood about a princess and a pea. To summarize it quickly, the main character is a prince looking for his princess. After traveling around the world, unsuccessful in his quest, one evening in the pouring rain a princess arrived at the gate of his home. Uncertain of her intentions & princess status, the queen decided to test her by putting a single pea under 20 mattresses. In the morning, the princess arose black and blue and described something hard had been in the bed , proving to the prince that she was indeed a princess.
While this fable is an exaggeration, for me it correlates to something so many of us deal with - hidden fears. When we think of fear, our minds tend to jump to the obvious ones - fear of spiders, fear of heights, and so on; but there are often deeper, more subtle fears that give us black and blues that just don’t seem to heal.
Allow me to share with you one of those hidden fears that affected my life for many years. For the first 2 decades of my life, I held a deep fear of being unlovable that I was completely unaware of. That fear eventually turned into a false and negative belief that I was indeed unlovable.
How did this impact my life, you ask? In one way or another, it showed up on a daily basis and impacted every single one of my relationships (romantic & otherwise). This fear-turned-belief caused me to act from a place of seeking worthiness, acceptance and love from everyone in my life - everyone, but me that is. I would wear myself thin doing all the things for everyone else in my life, before doing even just one thing for me. After years of behaving in those same patterns and still feeling unloved, burnt out and unfulfilled, I was inspired to act.
After reading a heap of self help books, seeking therapy and doing the hard work it takes to identify my patterns, the black and blues began to heal. Today, self love comes in the form of walking on the beach, a date with my acupuncturist, meditating, journaling and taking the time to rest when I need it. How do I know when I need it? On those days when I’m short of patience, unmotivated and starting to feel too tired, I know it’s time to hit the pause button and slow down a bit.
If you’re having trouble identifying those hidden fears, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at the Mindrise. We have the tools to help get you on the healing path and are here to support you throughout the journey.
Welcome to The Jungle
I'm a sucker for a true story--a story that puts me in someone's shoes and helps me to fully embody all the feelings that the writer was experiencing. That's the deal in this week's blog/true story from Mindrise Coach, Jennifer Wielage...stuck in the jungle, riddled with uncertainty and fear...here's how she came out on the other side.
Welcome to The Jungle
Jennifer Wielage, Mindrise Coach
The old saying “there’s no place like home” has never felt more true to me than now as I sit in Costa Rica two days past my one-week planned stay.
It all seemed so “meant to be. “ My soul was yearning for a spiritual getaway; a time to rejuvenate and refresh my mind, body and soul. I needed rest, and a little adventure sounded intriguing after all these months in quarantine.
It was my birthday and how better to celebrate than to get away from it all; commune with nature, connect with some nice people and practice yoga? It was an offer I could not refuse!
The retreat had many magical moments: Riding bikes on the beach, horseback riding, venturing to town where we drank coconut water directly out of a coconut, daily yoga, raising our hearts and minds up to God in gratitude.
I connected. I made lifetime friendships. I had a relaxing massage. I ate plant-based foods and had fresh juices and smoothies daily. I saw the most amazing sunrises and sunsets.
We toured the jungle with Kenneth, a guide who spoke the same language as the birds, and we spotted howling monkeys that entertained us with their swinging from the branches, showing off their low-hanging genitalia.
I felt free and alive and without fear or worry. I felt hopeful and positive.
The kicker was, as it turned out, I was positive. I had COVID.
The good news is I had no symptoms and felt well, but I still had to stay behind, alone in the jungle. As the others prepared to leave, I had to face the reality that I wasn’t boarding the plane with my friends. My heart ached. It ached for my husband Derek, my sweet dog, Wiley and all of my family and friends. I missed my home, especially my own shower and bed. I wanted to get back to work, to my clients, to my life. Time moved slowly before I was confined to my room; now it is excruciating. One day in isolation feels like a whole week.
This is my reality, a circumstance out of my control. I have learned that I can’t control everything in my life, but I can control my thoughts.
These thoughts surfaced first: Why me? I want to go home now. I can’t stay here another week stuck in Costa Rica.
And some of my thoughts got even more dramatic: I am going to die alone in the rainforest.
Because our brains are wired for survival, when faced with a situation that may be perceived as dangerous, we go into the fight-or-flight response.
Howling monkeys, monsoon rainfall in the middle of the night led to sleepless nights and the negative thoughts kept coming. I felt like a contestant on Survivor surrounded by animal noises and the even louder noises in my head.
This led to panic and panic led to paralyzing fear. My mind raced with all the “what if’s” leading me down a dangerous path, down which I don’t want to go.
Byron Katie’s book “Loving What Is” inspires surrendering to “what is” rather than what we think “ought to be.” My favorite Katie quote is: when you fight reality, you will lose, but only 100 percent of the time.
Managing my mind has been challenging, but I am thankful that I have learned this skill. Instead of questioning “why me” which is disempowering, putting me in victim mode, my new question I am choosing is: why was I picked to have this experience? This changes everything.
I was picked because I’m strong. I was picked to make me love deeper and to have more compassion and to be more resilient. I was picked because life isn’t supposed to be easy and I can do hard things.
I ask: What is this moment teaching me? How is it for me? What if I was faithful instead of fearful?
I wrote this on the airplane coming: “When things are not going the way you plan, it is an opportunity to practice faith. Faith is easy when things are going well. Challenging times give us an opportunity to trust and surrender."
I had no idea how prophetic those words would turn out to be.
As I sit and listen to the sounds of the jungle, I allow faith to win out over fear. I breathe. I rest. I allow.
Minding My Own Busyness
Who's busy? RAISE your hand...I'm holding both hands up right now--we're half-way into 2021, people are already talking about plans for 2022, and I'm pretty sure last week was January. Where has the time gone? We got really used to being busy pre-pandemic...then we got used to making ourselves busy during the pandemic...AND we made promises to ourselves that we would stay balanced as we re-entered "post-pandemic" life. How's your balance coming along? I know mine feels like I hopped back on a treadmill... listen to this latest blog post from Mindrise Coach Danielle on how's she's taking back her "busy-ness"...
Minding My Own Busyness
by Mindrise Coach, Danielle Ford
The end of June officially marks the halfway point through 2021 - my first thought was “where has the time gone?!” So I decided to sit and reflect on the first half of the year.
Where did the time go? When & where did I show up as my best (and when didn’t I)? What progress have I made towards my goals? What’s left on my bucket list for the year? Where can I course-correct? What am I most proud of and grateful for? The list goes on…
One of the biggest realizations was how busy I’ve been since the world began “re-opening”. In the last few months, I’ve been spreading myself thin a little more often than I’d like. While I love having a full plate, a full social calendar and a life that’s full of adventure, I’ve definitely been missing a little solitude.
Starting this moment, I’m committing to minding (& managing) my busyness in a way that works best for me. That might look like an extra yoga class this week, investing my healing with acupuncture or a massage, a walk on the beach, or pausing for some extra reflection time each day to keep myself centered and present.
It’s okay to feel off course, too busy, or like you’ve neglected your goals a bit. The important thing is recognizing it and getting back on track. Decide how you want to show up and put your plan in action!
Have you reflected on the first half of the year? Are you feeling overwhelmed or a little off center? We’re here to help get you back on track and would love to hear from you!
