I'm not actually lucky (but here are 2 things I did figure out)
"You're so lucky."
I've heard it a million (maybe more times).
It's not true.
I mostly hear it after I post a picture of palm trees or some other far flung place I've traveled to.
But, I'm here to tell you TWO THINGS, first, I'm going to right that misnomer based on social media perception--I'm not lucky.
Second, I'm going to tell you HOW I did it--how I created the life that you see on social media as well as what's happening behind the scenes. Ready?
1. What you see on my social media IS true AND it is the highlight reel--you don't want to see me doing dishes, begging my six year old daughter to put her shoes on for the 7,587,982nd time this week (although sometimes we do share our kitchen dance parties). It's about being intentional about the life that I am creating. You see me at a pumpkin patch--that's because A. I decided to be a mom who does the hayride/pumpkin patch thing AND B. I made a plan/time in my calendar to make it happen. You see me in Puerto Rico, It's because I decided that travel and breaks and warm weather are priorities for me--both in how I spend my time and my money. You can do this too--I'm not lucky.
2. I have a plan. It's not quite a clipboard outlined, unable to deviate from it plan but I have a plan about my life. I have expectations and excitement about where I want it to go. This plan feels good. It's what I like to call my "Goldilocks Plan." Not too hard, not too easy...just right. Not too much work, not too much play...just right. It's taken me nearly a decade to find this cadence and the only reason I'm able to maintain it is because I practice and stay focused on it regularly (like daily/weekly). I do this for two reasons--first, because my default setting is to work too hard and burn myself out, I've done this at least 11 too many times in my life and use my Goldilocks Plan maintenance as safeguards against doing it again. The second reason I do this is because I want to stay focused, I don't want my life to just happen to me--I want to be actively participating in how it is created and curated.
YOU can do this too, I'm going to teach you how on Thursday, 12/9 from 10am-1pm EST (live virtual or sign-up and grab the replay)...
- We're going to map out 2022
- Figure out how we're holding ourselves back
- Learn how to take action
- Make plenty of time for play
SIGN UP HERE
The Brain Science of Fear (and why affirmations actually work) PART 1
Fear can be absolutely paralyzing--freezing us in our tracks, sometimes for a few minutes--other times, we can stay frozen and stuck for years. How do we change that? I've been there, ready to make big decisions and feeling so worried about "getting it wrong"that I freeze and do nothing. And as I'm sure you've heard it before--No decision IS a decision.
When I feel stuck, I tend to do two things: freak out and flee OR overthink things to death. You too?
Here's why we do it...
So, what's our response to fear and how to we change it? To get geeky for a minute--when our brain is presented with a stimulus that has us feeling anxious, we do one of two things that I'm sure you have heard of--"fight or flight". We either avoid and run from what is upsetting us or we prepare ourselves for a fight. That's our defenses. This response is our protection. Our inner narrative tells us that we have a reason to require protection so we respond in kind. Researchers, psychologists, and scientists have now also discovered a third response we have and it's called "fawn."
Fawn is when we shrink ourselves in response to a fear or anxiety provoking stimulus. What does this mean? Ever find yourself in patterns of people pleasing or not speaking up because you want to avoid conflict, confrontation, or your perception of being embattled with someone or a situation--BINGO, you've experienced fawning.
It was a huge ah-ha to me when I learned about trauma research and the third response to fear/stress/anxiety. I would find myself so worried about keeping the peace and making everyone around me happy that I would shrink, I would out everyone before myself never considering what I wanted or how I was feeling about it. I just called it "shoving things into my suitcase."
And guess what...ultimately, it didn't work.
I told myself a story that everyone else was happy and taken care of so everything was okay but it wasn't. I was never on the menu, no one understood how much I was suffering AND frankly I hardly realized how much I was suffering because I was so busy with everyone else. And most of all, the thing I wanted more than anything was to feel connected with others and because I was so busy people pleasing, people never actually go to know the real me.
Even as I write this to you now, I realize that this blog will definitely be a 2 part series. In reading this, I need you to identify your response to fear/stress AND what it's costing you.
Do you avoid?
Do you run?
Do you fight?
Do you point fingers?
Are you defensive?
Do you try to make everyone else happy?
Do you try to avoid conflict?
Are you trying to always be right?
Are you trying to always make it "perfect"?
Me.Too.
In our next part, I'll share with you some of the ways to identify your behaviors/responses AND what to do about them.
In the meantime, our theme for Mindrise this month is Fire Your Fears: Brain Science on Fear...we'll be practicing this mantra, "When I feel my fears, I release control + awaken the possibility +willingness." I suggest that you practice it this week, I'll be practicing it too.
Ready to make a change and learn how to get out of your own way? Let's talk, setup your 20min coaching consult with a Mindrise Coach now!
How do I Start, When I’m Not Sure Where I’m Going?
Getting started. Pure uncertainty. The risk of getting it wrong. That feeling in the pit of our stomach. The willingness to say, "here goes nothing." Putting ourselves out there. It.is.ALOT. And overwhelm can paralyze us. I know I've been there. Just FROZEN. The indecision and inability to have a crystal ball, but how do we start when we aren't sure where we are going? That's the question in this week's blog from Mindrise Coach, Danielle Ford. "The truth is, no matter how detailed our lives are planned out, there’s bound to be a curve ball thrown our way."
How do I start, when I’m not sure where I’m going?
by Mindrise Coach, Danielle Ford
This question has crossed my mind (and in some cases tormented me) a few times in my life, most often when staring at a fork in the road. Last month, my blog encouraged just starting - just doing the thing we’ve been thinking about for a while - taking the leap, making the change and going for it… and for me it’s both as simple and as complicated as that.
As a Type A organizer and planner extraordinaire, not knowing what my path looked like often stopped me dead in my tracks. Rather than taking a step forward, I would make pros & cons lists, contemplate, think some more, and jump to each side of the fence until I wound up in a never ending brain swirl. What I didn’t realize at the time was that by doing this and ultimately doing nothing - I was actively making a choice and maybe one that wasn’t what was best for me. While sometimes doing nothing is exactly what we need, in the times that we’re acting against our intuition and not trusting our inner pilot light, it’s precisely what we need to avoid.
So how do I start, when I’m lost in thought about what the future looks like?! Truthfully - I stop thinking, I slow down, I quiet down and I trust my intuition. When we stop the swirl in the middle of the spin cycle and start asking ourselves to trust that what’s meant for us will work out, our stress starts to dissipate. Especially since stress & anxiety usually stem from a combination of our expectations on how things will work out and not trusting that everything will work out exactly the way it’s meant to. When we fight what is, we’re ignoring the lessons that life is trying so hard to teach us.
The truth is, no matter how detailed our lives are planned out, there’s bound to be a curve ball thrown our way. Sometimes we lose the dream job, the love of our lives walks out unexpectedly, we get injured, we lose someone we love… the list goes on. But when we begin to evolve from the victim mentality to seeing times of change as a learning opportunity, and eventually finding gratitude for them as a catalyst for opening us to something more in our lives is quite extraordinary. It may feel awkward or uncomfortable taking that first step outside your comfort zone but take it anyway. The people in your life may not understand or agree - but what matters most is that you’re following your heart, your intuition - that voice in you that knows you are doing exactly what’s right for you.
Aspiring to evolve and become who we’re meant to be is an incredibly beautiful thing. The shift that takes place when we begin to trust the journey, accept ourselves where we are and love each & every part of our lives (including the moments of suffering) is truly transcendent.
The Two Lessons That Have Changed My Life
Leadership starts within. I remember when I first took the leap to becoming a coach. I felt nervous and a bit uncertain that I had made the right move--leaving a successful career that I had spent nearly a decade building to become an entrepreneur felt crazy.
Along the journey to becoming a coach and building my business two things happened that forever changed the course of my life.
The first thing was the way I was feeling--I felt more in charge of my life than ever before. The freedom I experienced was unlike anything else in the world--freedom of my time, freedom to make my own choices, freedom to create and build anything I wanted. The freedom I felt was like drinking a cold glass of water when you are host and incredibly thirsty, I could just never get enough (in fact, it still gets me excited as I write this to you).
The second thing that happened was the feeling of making an impact. I was helping people to feel the support they needed to make a change and create the life they always wanted. Every morning I would wake up, look at my calendar and truly feel like I was living my purpose.
In the last few years, I’ve had lots of people asking me how to become a coach and what it’s like to have a coaching business. If you’ve been thinking about becoming a coach, this email is for you. If not, feel free to forward this email to someone you know who is interested in being a coach.
Many of you know that I’ve been a psychotherapist for many years and launched my coaching practice 7 years ago, since then not only has it become a thriving 6-figure business but we’ve grown a team that allows us to create an even bigger impact in the world while employing others too.
Growing this business wasn’t easy, I felt like the learning curve was HUGE and as much as I tried, I felt like I kept learning all of my lessons about becoming a business owner the hard way.
I’ve also learned that the biggest barrier to becoming a coach has been a clear pathway to take you there. That’s why I created the Life + Leadership Coaching Training program to teach you:
- How to coach
- How to create a successful coaching businesses
- How to market to your ideal clients
Our next Life + Leadership Coach Training program starts on October 1st. If you are interested in joining us to learn to become a coach, click below to reserve your spot:
4 Reasons I became a coach (+ you might be the same too!)
Here’s WHY I became a Coach:
1. Freedom of my time.
2. Helping inspire others.
3. Being the best me.
4. Leading with confidence.
These are just a few of the reasons why I took the leap into becoming a coach nearly 7 years ago. Since then I’ve built a thriving 6-figure business.
In that time I’ve learned that the biggest barrier to becoming a coach has been a clear pathway to take you there.
As any successful coach can tell you. It’s not enough to want to be a coach to help people (believe me, that is very important). Unless you know how to market your services and run a business, you don’t actually have a coaching practice.
I created the Life + Leadership Coaching Training Program to teach you:
- How to coach with confidence
- How to create + launch a successful coaching business
- How to market to your ideal dream clients
Our next session of Life + Leadership Coach Training begins on October 1st. Enrollment is open!
It’s time to live YOUR best life. I’m here to show you the way.
The Birth of the Life + Leadership Coach Training Program
Bringing together the tools that I have learned as a therapist as well as the lessons and education that I have experienced as an entrepreneur, the Life + Leadership Coach Training program is a holistic approach to feeling confident, successful, and impactful as a coach and entrepreneur.
Why did I become a coach? The reason might surprise you...
I love being the go - to girl to help people, always the first person to get the phone call for the job change, heartbreak, or "what should I do?" question.
But that wasn't it.
The #1 reason why I became a coach was FREEDOM. Freedom of my time, my location, to make my schedule, to build a business exactly how I wanted to.
I wanted freedom to make a BIG impact in the world by become a coach and having my own business
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Do you want to help others discover their passion, joy, and goals?
If you’ve always hoped to make an impact but weren’t full sure how to make that happen our Life + Leadership Coach Training might be the right fit.
If you’re ready for a new career path fueled by your passion like I was, we invite you to check out our Life + Leadership Coach Training.
ENROLLMENT OPEN NOW, click here to learn more.
LIFE + LEADERSHIP COACH TRAINING SEMINAR RECORDINGS
LIFE + LEADERSHIP COACH TRAINING SEMINAR RECORDINGS
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