I finally cleared my inbox of all PhD applications this weekend and hit ‘unsubscribe’ on the schools that I was looking at. While I haven’t shared publicly about pursuing my PhD, it’s something that’s been on the horizon for me for quite some time.
I finished my masters degree in 2007 then my post-masters licensure as a psychotherapist. According to the PhD requirements, I needed 3-5 years experience in the field before I could apply–that meant 2010 at the very earliest.
After graduation, I started on a career track (you know the kind, upon your hire, you countdown 25 years til retirement/pension/gold watch). It seemed like a good idea at the time–start in the job then pursue the PhD when 2010 rolled around.
But then I met a guy.
Of course there’s more to the story but in the interest of time this was the first time I had realized the powers of manifestation. For years before we met, I deeply desired an adventurous and devoted partner. Long before I knew about meditation, I would lay in bed at night and visualize our life together–hiking hills, taking trips, enjoying the beach, riding bikes, even getting a dog. Getting very clear about what I wanted gave me hope and inspiration that I would someday have the life and relationship I desired.
I met Bobby in 2009–we started an amazing romance, traveled to over 10 countries together, renovated 2 houses, adopted 2 dogs, biked, hiked, surfed, and explored cross country together (twice)–in essence we created a life together.
This life was a far cry from the merry-go-round feeling of a restlessness person who really didn’t know what she wanted so instead threw herself into work and ardent pursuit of higher education.
So, 2010 rolled around as did many years after it. I didn’t apply because I wasn’t craving more education. I desired to create a life together of effortless ease, pleasure, travel, and enjoyment.
As you probably know about my story, in 2015 we started a family. We’ve continued to travel, my business has grown, and I published my book, Own Your Power, in 2016.
Somewhere along the way, I started to get a ‘bee in my bonnet’ (as my grandmother would say) that I should get my PhD. I started the school hunt, met with the Dean of my previous university, I talked to PhD candidates…
In fact, I spoke with one who was pursuing her degree while working 3 jobs and having 3 kids?! I thought to myself, “If she’s doing it then I should do it.” I felt jealous.
While I had been thinking about a PhD for 10 years, in all that time I forgot to answer one essential question, “Why did I want my PhD?”
Last week, I finally asked myself that question and came back with NOTHING. Nada. No answer whatsoever.
What did come up was that I continue to desire effortless ease and connection. I desire to be connected to my family, friends, team and clients. I desire to spend my time traveling more, writing more, growing my business, serving more and creating a greater impact in the world. And while plenty of people do that with a PhD, I don’t need my PhD right now to create the life I want.
It’s been hard for me to let go of that belief but after giving myself permission to release, I actually feel lighter. There once was a time that I defined myself, my worth, and my deserving-ness based on my degree or my title. But it seems that at long last, I figured out that sometimes a leopard does change it’s spots.
I’d love to hear from you—Do you ever feel like you are stuck on the merry-go-round of work/career and goal achievement?
Have you ever been stuck on making a decision but found the right path after going within?
Sometimes the right choice is the ‘light choice,’ and while we might know that in our mind, it can take some time to bring that practice into our hearts.
P.S. I was recently interviewed by Carolina Zuleta for her Women Who Want It All Summit where I talk even more in depth about using lifestyle design and mindset to create a life you love. You can check out the replay for a limited time by clicking here.
Are you ready to figure out what’s holding you back? I would love to see how I can help. Click here to speak with my team and find out how you can make a shift in your life.